Too much nosh & too much booze He spent all night in the bog with the blues An aching head, intoxicated He didn't even know he was constipated He forced & he frowned, he pushed & he stained But on the toilet seat he remained He let out a shout as he passed out & his gut was rearranged No walks in the park, no drinks, no grub He can't embark on a trip to the pub He sits in the dark, and says don't trouble me [Counterpoint Chorus:] No one sees he's a ruptured man He can't sneeze like you normally can They're all mean, they're all riff raff He turns green when they make him laugh Ernie had a. Ernie had a... Hernia, a hernie Ernie had a. Ernie had a... Hernia, a hernie... He had a hernia He can't stand up, her can't lie flat The torment in his tummy preventing that He can't sit down, can't go anywhere The devil in his belly proving too much to bear He can't go out & he can't stay in Oh what's it all about? He just can't win No chance of a bath or to see the lavatory for him Ernie had a...[guitar bit] Ernie never smiles & he dare not grin An aggravating abdomen wearing him thin Ernie had a hernia but he did not give in Ernia had a... He had a hernia
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