[ Предположительная тональность: F#m ] Author: Sanger (Tom Hodge) E Hello B/D# Welcome to my show D Dsus2 I'm glad that you could come A We're gonna have a hoot D B/D# E We're gonna have some fun [notes A B D G B D] E Sit back E/D# Put your feet up and relax D Dsus2 I hope you've had a drink or three A The more you've drunk D B/D# E The better I'll ever be A And if you have a mobile phone Am Please turn it off E Thank you A And if you have Tourette's syndrome Am E Just do whatever it is you people do F# A And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy E A B E Maybe you should chuff off home A E Cos it's only gonna get worse A E Only gonna get worse A Only gonna get worse E From now on c**t [notes E F# Ab] A My name is Tim D A I write funny songs and sing A B E7 And if you don't think funny songs are funny A Well I respect your right D A To think exactly what you like A E7 A But you're sure as shit not getting back your money D7M A E/G# F#m F#m/E And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say D D7M A E/G# F#m F#m/E That I read your publication every single day D7M Bø C#7 F#m And I agree with absolutely everything you say D7M9 Bø/D I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer A G/A D/A Dm/A Writing on the subject of the arts D7M9 But if you write a bad review Bø/D I promise you I'll come round to your house A G/A D/A Bmb5/A And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants B11 I'll lay turds! C11 In all your plants! C#11 Your indoor plants! Your potted indoor plants! F# Hello C#/E# Welcome to my show Esus2 I'm glad you all could come B E C#/E# F# It's time for a little audience participation F# Sing, "Yeah!" (Yeah!) E Sing, "Yeah!" (Yeah!) B Sing, "Yeah yeah yeah!" (Yeah yeah yeah!) F# Sing, "Ooo yeah!" (Ooo yeah!) F# Sing, "I am an audience member!" (I am an audience member!) E "Why are you making me sing?" (Why are you making me sing?) B "You self indulgent wanker!" (You self indulgent wanker!) F# "Just get on with the fucking show!" (Just get on with the fucking show!) ......