[Reporter:] I've got a headline Oh, what a headline Off the beaten track A dog bit a man and the man bit the dog right back [Editor:] You can print what Roosevelt said On the front page for a great big spread [Reporter:] But I've got a headline Oh, what a headline Off the beaten track A dog bit a man and the man bit the dog right back [Editor:] Hold the wire, it's hard to hear There is someone screaming in my ear What the hell's the matter with you and why the big enthuse? [Reporter:] A man was bitten by a dog [Editor:] I know but that's not news [Reporter:] But the man bit the dog right back [Editor:] What's that you say? Got no time for gags today [Reporter:] But this is no gag, it's on the square I just this minute came back from there [Editor:] You just this minute came back from where? [Reporter:] From a swell Park Avenue shack Where a dog bit a man and the man bit the dog right back [Editor:] Never mind that Roosevelt speech I've a headline now that is a peach It's a most important story that'll set the town agog Kill the Roosevelt spread, print this instead: Man bites dog! [Newsies:] Extra! Extra! Extra! Extra! Man bites dog! Extra! Man bites dog! Extra! Man bites dog! Man bites dog! Man bites dog! Man bites dog! [Ensemble:] At last! At last! A man bit a dog at last And it seems to Heywood Brown That the world is out of tune That if things don't happen soon We'll all be biting dogs next June At last! At last! A man bit a dog at last And Mister Hearst has a chance To kick the French in the pants He says that the man who bit the dog was a native of France And Winchell's all agog He interviewed the dog And he says that the pretty Pom Is soon to become a mom It's a dog you hate to be with The kind you see with the rich Not a great big manly he-dog A little she-dog A bitch! Which gives us a headline off the beaten track: A bitch bit a man and the man bit the bitch right back!
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