[Stage version:] [Opening Letter] [Secretary:] Mister Lebowitz's office He's busy Who shall I say? Yes, sir I'll be glad to I'll tell him Okay [Lawyer:] Take a letter to Mr. B. G. DeSylva My dear Mister DeSylva I've read the book of your show And as your legal advisor, I'm writing to let you know That you're skating on very thin ice And since you've asked my advice Let me warn you it can't be done I know it's all in fun But there is a state called Louisiana And anyone can tell That both your acts are based on facts And they're gonna be sore as hell You won't get away with it -- they'll sue You and Ryskind and Berlin, too Because There are laws Laws that specifically say You can't write a book or a play Based on characters living today And that's what you've done I know it's in fun But, for instance, the very first scene The character you call the Dean You've changed the name but just the same They're going to know who you mean And you won't get away with it, oh no The minute you open they'll close the show And they'll sue They'll sue You and Ryskind and Berlin, too And the cast will go to jail Of that I have no doubt But speaking as your attorney Let me say that there is a way out You can make the whole thing legal Without changing a line in your book It can still be Louisiana You can call a crook a crook But you must say it's based on fiction And everything will be fine Yours truly, Sam Lebowitz Of Rafferty, Driscoll and O'Brien [Opening Chorus] [Louisianans:] Before we start the show We'd like to have you know The characters portrayed In our musical charade Have not been based on persons living or dead They've all been made up out of the author's head Instead The things that we reveal Never happened, they're not real In spite of what you've heard or what you've read The politicians we investigate Could come from Maine or Kansas, or Montana So we laid our story in a mythical state A mythical state we call Louisiana Within our simple plot You'll notice quite a lot Of references to crooks Who have monkeyed with their books And with those gentlemen we're not too gentle If they seem like men you've read about It's purely accidental The law says shows like this one can get by With one restriction It must be fiction We've tried to stay within the law, that's why We laid the scenes In New Orleans A city we've invented so that there would be no fuss If there is such a place, it's certainly news to us Again, the same old word No matter what you've heard The villains in our show Are just characters, and so If an arrow seems to strike Someone who's investigated If he looks to you just like Someone to whom you're related Don't go out and sue We don't mean you It's fiction so don't be temperamental If your sons are millionaires Don't start trembling in your britches When a character declares That you're dirty sons of riches Don't go out and sue We don't mean you The likeness is purely accidental So, please bear this in mind Our show is of the mythical kind The book is mythical The score is mythical To make them mythical was our only chance The girls are mythical The boys are mythical And now we'll let our mythical show advance And go into our mythical dance [Film version:] [Opening Letter] [Lawyer:] Take a letter to Paramount Studios, Hollywood Gentlemen, I've read the book of your show And as your legal advisor, I'm writing to let you know That it really can't be done I know it's all in fun But there is a state called Louisiana And anyone can tell That they're gonna be sore as -- Well, you won't get away with it -- they'll sue You and the writers and the actors, too Because There are laws Laws that specifically say You can't write a book or a play Based on characters living today Yes, the cast will go to jail Of that I have no doubt But speaking as your attorney Let me say that there is a way out You can make the whole thing legal Without changing a line in your book It can still be Louisiana You can call a crook a crook But you must say it's based on fiction And everything will be fine Yours truly, Sam Horowitz Of Rafferty, Driscoll and O'Brien [Opening Chorus] [Louisianans:] Before the picture starts We say with all our hearts The characters portrayed In our musical charade Have not been based on persons living or dead They've all been made up out of the author's head The politicians we investigate Could come from Kansas, Maine or Indiana So we laid our story in a mythical state A mythical state we call Louisiana Within our simple plot You'll notice quite a lot Of references to crooks Who have monkeyed with their books The law says shows like this one can get by With one restriction It must be fiction We've tried to stay within the law, that's why We laid the scenes In New Orleans A city we've invented so that there would be no fuss If there is such a place, it's certainly news to us Yes, it's certainly, certainly news to us Mythical! Mythical! Fiction! Fiction! Mythical! Mythical! Fiction! Fiction! Mythical! Fiction! Mythical! Fiction! Aaaaah!
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