My mother was a prostitute My father was a thief My auntie ran a brothel It gave cheap relief Crime, crime Crime doesn't pay And my sister worked in peep shows Carrots between cheeks My brother pimped for call girls Fostered their deceits Crime, crime doesn't pay Except when the debt collector needs to be paid My nephew was a rent boy Dress-sense made me weep And my niece clipped in Soho Her lies defied belief Crime, crime, crime doesn't pay Except when the debt collector needs to be paid Crime, crime, crime doesn't pay