(The Rise And Fall Of A Budding Gigolo) (R. Stewart, K. Savigar, J. Davis) Well I arrived on time My courduroy suit and me bottle of wine There were women wall to wall It's Saturday night and I wanted them all everyone Sidled up for a dance I tried a new step and fell in the plants I told a joke, about the Pope It wasn't as funny as I would've hoped Nobody told me she was the daughter of the mayor I was so embarrassed, I just wished the ground would swallow me up Accidentally my elbow hit the record player The rock 'n' roll stopped and everybody just stared (oh no) Who's gonna take me home I'm tired and I wanna go to bed Who's gonna take me home This party's gone right to my head I didn't worry, not me Panic ain't in my vocabulary Smashed beyond reproach Suddenly I wanted to take off my clothes All hell broke loose I started to take off my trousers and shoes And so I tried to look cool I stepped back and fell in the pool The hostess helped me out and asked for my dismissal I said I was sorry, but I've been under so much pressure just lately, baby I felt as popular as a Russian guided missile The last thing I remember, I left with a girl on a motor bike That weighed three hundred pounds and what's wrong with that Who's gonna take me home I'm tired and I wanna go to bed Who's gonna take me home This party's gone right to my head to my head I woke up on the floor Still in my suit and she told me I snored I never felt so cheap I had a good laugh at the size of her feet Holy Moses, I don't like this single living I think I'll find me a nice local girl and settle on down, now With a home and a garden and a nature quite forgiving Then again maybe I'll just hang around Who's gonna take me home I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, right now Who's gonna take me home This party's gone right to my head to my head Now who's gonna take me home Hey Brian could you give me a lift 'cos I don't live too far from you, boy Mary c'mon I've known you so long please give me a lift home, oh c'mon Jim oh c'mon boys would you just give me a lift home I don't live too far from here and I'm so tired
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