[Verse 1] I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed "I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always a bride" I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart Yet remember these sweet words, "until death do us part" I married many men, a ton of them Because I was untrue to none of them Because I bumped off every one of them To keep my love alive Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me At night he was a horse's neck to me So I performed an appendectomy To keep my love alive Sir Thomas had insomnia, he couldn't sleep at night I bought a little arsenic, he's sleeping now all right Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing And now he plays where harps are just the thing [Chorus] To keep my love alive To keep my love alive [Verse 2] I thought Sir George had possibilities But his flirtations made me ill at ease And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease To keep my love alive Sir Charles came from a sanitorium And yelled for drinks in my emporium I mixed one drink, he's in memorium To keep my love alive Sir Francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that's why I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he, could fly Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide He killed his dad and that was patricide One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side [Chorus]
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