[Verse] I was I You were you And now we're only we We are one Who were two Or we had better be "I now pronounce you man and wife" Are magic words like "Open Sesame But though they made you mine for life It only shows how little you know of it I know a pair who made quite a go of it He was a man who was very fond of, women She was a girl who was very fond of men She had a taste for both corpulent and slim men He wouldn't look at a lady under ten She went abroad just to find a man to marry He went abroad just to find himself a wife She didn't want any Tom or Dick or Harry He sought a mate who'd be true to him for life She fell in love with the angle of his eyebrow He fell in love with the dimple on her knee And when they wed He went around with other women And she went with other men And that is he and she! He always said, "I would like to have a daughter." She always said, "I would like to have a son." She took to kids like a duckling takes to water He always thought having babies would be fun He told her this on the very day he met her She said, "The wish is the father to the sport." He bought a house, in the nursery he set her She helped the stork make his annual report He won renown as the father of a squadron She won awards for her prolificacy And just because And just because they loved their children They got married after all And that is he and she! She was so pure as the snow before it's driven He never smoked and he never touched a drop When she said "Boo" she would ask to be forgiven When he would swim he would always wear the top She wore no rouge though she had a bad complexion He always prayed every time he went to bed She was so kind that she hated vivisection He loved his ma and he swore he' d never wed She was so chaste that it made her very nervous He loved to go to the vicarage for tea And when they died And when they died and went to Heaven All the angels moved to Hell And that is he and she!