[Verse] Come with me Where the food is free Where the landlord never comes near you Be a guest in a house of rest Where the best of fellows can cheer you There's your own little room So cool, not too much light Where you're one man for whom No wife waits up at night When day ends You have lots of friends Who will guard you well while you slumber Safe from battle and strife Safe from the wind and gale Come with me to jail You'll never have to fetch the milk Or walk the dog at early dawn There's no -"Get up- you're late for work!" While you rest in the pearly dawn You're never bored by politics You're privileged to miss a row Of tragedies by Sophocles And diatribes by Cicero Your brother's wife will never come On Sunday noon to bring to you Her little son who plays the lute Her little girl to sing to you You can commit you little "sin" And relatives won't yell "Fie!" You needn't take the annual trip To the oracle at Delphi You snore and swear and stretch and yawn In this, your strictly male house The only way that sinners go to Heaven Is in the jailhouse!