I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town I believe in God and Senator Todd and keeping old Castro down And when it came my time to serve I knew better dead than red But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said: Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse O think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school, and I'm working in a defense plant I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back I'm allergic to flowers and bugs And when bombshells hit, I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes I can hardly touch my knees And if the enemy came close to me I'd probably start to sneeze I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies, but one thing you gotta see That someone's gotta go over there but that someone isn't me So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell Yeah kill me a thousand or more And if you ever get a war without blood and gore Well I'll be the first to go
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