Many, many years ago when I was seventeen I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be This widow had a grown up daughter who had hair of red My father fell in love with her and soon they, too, were wed This made my dad my son-in-law and it changed my very life For my daughter was my mother though she was my father's wife To complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy This little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad For if he was my uncle then it also made him brother To the widow's grown up daughter who, of course, was my stepmother *** Note: I find it's generally a good idea to pause at this point to allow the listeners time to process the ramifications of that last stanza! Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run And he became my grandchild 'cause he was my daughter's son My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother, too And if my wife is my grandmother, I am her grandchild And everytime I think of it, oh, it nearly drives me wild For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw As husband to my grandmother, I am my own grandpaw,... oh ... I am my own grandpaw Yes, I am my own grandpaw It sounds funny, I know But it really is so I am my own grandpaw