(Irving Berlin and Vincent Bryan) [1st verse:] A great big tree grows near our house It's been there quite some time This tree's a slipp'ry elm tree and very hard to climb But when my wife starts after me, up in that tree I roost I go up like a healthy squirrel and never need no boost The other day a woodman came to chop the refuge down And carve it into kindling wood, to peddle 'round the town I says to him, "I pray thee cease, desist, refrain and stop Lay down that razor, man, chop not a single chop" [Refrain:] Woodman, woodman, spare that tree Touch not a single bough For years it has protected me And I'll protect it now Chop down an oak, a birch or pine But not this slipp'ry elm of mine It's the only tree that my wife can't climb So spare that tree [2nd verse:] I said to him, "You see that hole Up near that old treetop I've got five dollars there, that's yours, if you refrain to chop No beast but me can climb that tree, 'cause it's too slippery I can't get up myself, unless my wife is after me So get my wife and I'll call her a very naughty word And then you'll see me give an imitation of a bird You may not know just where to go, when my wife gets around But when she comes, remember this, if I'm not on the ground"