[1st verse:] Benjamin Manner played a grand piano And he cert'nly played it fine Played the piano all the time Like a reg'lar Rubinstein Sunday he called around to see Miss Lucy Brown And said "My darling pet I have found a new way to make love That hasn't been discovered yet Won't you let me show you how?" But Miss Lucy cried "not now": [Refrain:] Try it on your piano grand I don't care to understand B or I flat, C or Y flat Try it hon' but not in my flat While I don't doubt that what you say is true I'm not taking chances with some love that's new So Mister Manner, try it on your piano But you can't try it on me [2nd verse:] Benjamin Manner sold his grand piano And became a doctor fair One who cures your pain and care He was known most ev'rywhere Lucy took sick one day, he called around to say "I've brought with me a pill It's a new discovery of my own That surely ought to cure or kill It has never yet been tried" But Miss Lucy loudly cried: [2nd refrain:] Try it on your piano grand I don't care to understand B or I flat C or Y flat Try it hon' but not in my flat Give me Peruna for my ev'ry pain For he who takes that will live to take again So try your brand up on a baby grand Because you can't try it on me