[Verse:] I was born on a thousand acres of Oklahoma land Nothing grew on the thousand acres for it was gravel and sand One day father started digging in a field Hoping to find some soil He dug and he dug and what do you think? Oil, oil, oil The money rolled in and I rolled out with a fortune piled so high Washington was my destination And now who am I? [1st refrain:] I'm the chosen party giver For the White House clientele And they know that I deliver What it takes to make 'em jell And in Washington I'm known by one and all As the hostess with the mostes' on the ball They could go to Elsa Maxwell When they had an axe to grind They could always grind their axe well At the parties she designed Now the hatchet grinders all prefer to call On the hostess with the mostes' on the ball I've a great big bar and good caviar Yes, the best that can be found And a large amount in my bank account When election time comes 'round If you're feeling presidential You can make it, yes, indeed There are just three things essential Let me tell you all you need Is an ounce of wisdom and a pound of gall And the hostess with the mostes' on the ball [2nd refrain:] Entertaining vodka drinkers Is a job they give to me Making nice guys out of stinkers Seems to be my cup of tea What they really need behind the iron wall Is the hostess with the mostes' on the ball There's a book of regulations As to who sits next to who But there might be complications When the blue blood's not so blue So the priestess with the leastes' protocol Is the hostess with the mostes' on the ball An Ambassador has just reached the shore He's a man of many loves An important gent from the Orient To be handled with kid gloves He can come and let his hair down Have the best time of his life Even bring his new affair down Introduce her as his wife But she mustn't leave her panties in the hall For the hostess who's the hostess with the mostes' on the ball [Encore:] I've been highly complimented And I thank you what is more You'll be damned well represented By your new ambassador For my one ambition is to make them fall For the hostess with the mostes' on the ball In the handbag that I'll carry There's a precious little note To their highnesses from Harry Introducing me he wrote: "I'll appreciate a favor large or small For the hostess with the mostes' on the ball" There'll be no mistakes, I've got what it takes To make friends across the sea I'll make being smart an important part Of my foreign policy I'll cement our good relations When I give my first affair There'll be special invitations To the Duke and Duchess there Who's already written asking them to call Not the priestess with the leastes' But the hostess who's the hostess with the mostes' on the ball
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