[1st verse:] Hiram Perkins sittin' by the fire Talking to his wife Hollered out, "Now look-a here, Maria A farmer's life was never meant for our son The boy is almost twenty-one I've been closely watching him of late And something's gotta be done" [Refrain:] He's getting too darn big for a small town He ought to be in New York He has seen a champagne cork He's even eating with his fork He knows at least a dozen of "troopers" He's got a tie from Siegel and Cooper's And his name stamped on the inside of his hat Think-a that, think-a that! Down there on Broadway is the place where he belongs He knows "Bedelia" and the other latest songs He's got a watch with an open crystal And a walking cane with a pistol He's getting too darn big for a one-horse town [2nd verse:] Hiram Perkins bought a railroad ticket On the B. and O. When they warned him New York town was wicked He said, "I know, but then my boy can hold his own Of late he's actin' too high-tone' Why, he combs his hair three times a day He even uses cologne"