When you called me a useless druggie At least you got half of it right When you called me a hopeless alcoholic I'm only hopeless after nine at night And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk If I didn't you'd get terrible fright And if this is the land of hope and glory Where's the land of hope but not quite I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag But never been bono or sting However I dressed never really impressed So they never got to hear a damn thing I've been bad man sad man certified mad But never 007 or saint Trendsetter go getter international jet setter Are just a few things that I ain't The time you told class I was a half wit Was my very first 50 % Previous best in any other test Was either stolen copied or lent And when you branded me and every single one of my mates A waste of time and effort to teach Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums On someone else's deckchair and beach I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse But never been a legend to god New thing dumb thing even last year's thing Headbang? - not even a nod! I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged We've never caused a lady to faint Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy A few things they said that I ain't When popularity soared, hometown and abroad I spent most of it trying to breathe in Always ill at ease, too willing to please An inferior life's bargain bin When you come from a background of bargain bins You're bound to fear it ends where it begins So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud And too phoney to celebrate wins I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someones binbag But never been Bono or Sting However I dressed never really impressed So they never got to hear a damn thing I've been badman, sadman, certified mad But never 007 or Saint Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter Are just a few things that I ain't
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