Chanukah is the festival of lights. One day of presents? Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights! But if you still feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree, I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you, so here comes number three! Ross and Phoebe from Friends say the Chanukah blessing, So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and Will and Grace's Debra Messing! Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy, Maybe they should have called that show Little Kosher House on the Prairie! We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller, and Jack Black, Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back! (Just kidding, Tommy!.) We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe, But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow! Rob Schneider: I'm Jewish!?!?! Drei-Dels: Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah... Rob Schneider: The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukah! Adam Sandler: Tiny Elvis everybody. Tiny Elvis. Schneider, I didn't even know you were jewish. Rob Schneider: I'm a filipino jew. In fact, i'm going home right now to light the first pig. Adam sandler: okay, get going. Osama bin Laden... The Driedels: BOO! Not a big fan of the Jews! Well maybe that's because he lost the figure skating match to gold medalist Sarah Hughes! (Her mama's Jewish.) Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets with such precision, but one thing they could not get out of... Their painful circumcision! Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish, But a full-time Oscar winner, Jennifer Connelly's half-Jewish too, And I'd like to put more in her! Whoo! There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrell, Beck, and Paula Abdul, Joey Ramone invented punk rock music, but first came Hebrew school! Hey! Natalie Portmanika It's time to celebrate Chanukah, I hope I get an Abtronica On this joyful, joyful Chanukah, So get a high colonika And soil your long-johnnakahs If you really, really wannakah, Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah!"
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